The only instrument I have any desire to learn is one of these:

Can non-non-musicians reply as well?

I can play piano by ear, but would love to be really good at it, read music, and remember full songs and such.

Sure, but the rest of us will make fun of you.

Guitar

My Learn Guitar on VCR lessons didn't go over so well.

I should really learn guitar. I'm worried thought that my fingers are too short and fat. My wife tried to teach me some chords and I have a really hard time having my fingers ONLY on the proper strings. I suck.

That can be remedied by finding a guitar with a neck style and shape that suits your hand... try looking at the Epiphone Masterbilt series they have some extra space in there for those paws.

Don't be dissuaded from learning the guitar, it's well worth the effort... as for the accordion.. well I can't speak to that...

or try a classical or spanish style guitar...

they are very wide necked guitars and the nylon sounds silky smooth

Saxophone.

piano. it looks like a lot of fun. i wouldn't want to be like jerry lee lewis or anything, but playing classical pieces would be amazing.

i can play the flute. that's fun.

Banjo. I don't know many people who can play one. I'd stick out.

Ever since high school (many years ago) I have wanted to play trombone in a third wave ska band.

Funky bass. A bassist ain't no good 'lest he can do the funk.

Definitely guitar - I've written a lot of stuff I'd like to put to music, and I can sing fairly well.

Non-funky bass. I hate the funk. I'd wanna play more like Kim Deal, Gary Mounfield, Simon Gallup, etc.

Guitar. Played the flute when I was pretty young, which I never really enjoyed. Played the Tuba throughout high school, which was a lot of fun, but those things are really expensive (I always used the school's), and don't make for very good solo instruments.

There is NO way to hate the funk. I repeat, NO way.

Get me a gee-tar and a cheap keyboard, and I'll be happy enough to take lessons. I can't keep a steady drum beat for more than a minute or two.

Simon Gallup: Yes

His playing allowed me to finally fall in love with Bass Guitar

I find it fairly easy to.

Theremin. I've got one in pieces in the closet, waiting 'til I can get the time & space to finish putting it together. Then I need to know how to do more than make funny sounds with it.

Terpsitone

It's fun to slap.

I'm trying to get slapping down now, it's not going that well. I can't keep my thumb from hitting more than one string. And if I manage to only hit the string I want, I don't get a full, percussive sound. I can slap the E string and pop just fine though.

I'd also like to learn guitar sometime down the road.

This.

Piano or bass. Sometimes while thumping my fingers to the music, I realize I'm doing the bass line.

If I still lived by the golf course, I'd take up bagpipe.

keyboards or guitar. either, really. Probably piano first.

Whenever I'm in a Best Buy, Fry's or any place that has keyboards set up for sale, I invariably wander over and start fiddling around for a couple minutes. I can't resist. I don't know if this signifies genuine interest, or like a lot of things, it would quickly degenerate into boredom once the novelty wore off.

A long time ago, some lady came into the Des Plaines retail establishment I was working in at the time, took a look at my hands and said "do you play piano?" "oh, you have such long fingers.. you really should!". Turns out she was a piano teacher, so she might have been ratcheting up the enthusiasm and flattery in hopes of landing a new pupil.

My curiosity was peaked when I started seeing the piano teaching infomercial that PBS was running so often, starting back about 2-3 years ago. The instructer is this guy who says that music theory is unnecessary for most people, and you can learn very quickly without it, by following his techniques. Is there anybody here who can comment on this program and it's legitimacy?

With piano there's no substitute for technique which has to be built up by practice alone. You can learn three or four basic chords and play simple liittle songs but you'll never be a good pianist with those crash courses alone.

You could pick up a Practice Chanter to practice with, they're alot cheaper than a full set of Highland Pipes:

http://chrisbsmusicinc.stores.yahoo.net/bagpracchan.html

I'm sure you could easily find a place to sell you one in the City.

Saxophone. That seems like the coolest instrument that you can make god-awful noises with.